April 2015

“You can educate a fool, but you cannot make him think” – the Talmud

 baloney

Can Diet Improve Your Acting Skills?

Researchers now claim a steady diet of ham, bacon and baloney will actually improve one’s acting ability and offer a substantial impact on vocal prowess. After extensive testing and decades of research, a dedicated study group from M.I.T. determined consuming great amounts of pork prior to performance dramatically improves the professional outcome. Proving what many have thought for years, and that’s that some of the best actors actually are in fact full of baloney. According to the study, every Academy Award winner since Chinatown in 1976 has gorged themselves on pulled pork, shaved ham, and pounds of Oscar Mayer’s thick cut, maple-cured bacon.

Recently the Academy Chairman claimed, “Julianne Moore was a shoe-in this year for Best Actress. Nicole Kidman and Rene Zellweger both sat on her and forced fed her just in case. It really was for her own good.”

The rest is Hollywood history. ›

Where You APP

In an attempt to locate potential acting and voice over opportunities, Apple recently released an APP for that.   However, there have been numerous complaints.

“We can’t vouch for whether these projects are lucrative or if they are artistically fulfilling, but you have to admit there are an awful lot of them!” reported Where You APP developer, Andy Sizemore, as he demonstrated the application on his new iPad.

According to local talent agent, Brenda Bieberman (of Beiberman, Babble & Black), “Oh, sure this Sizemore kid can pump out projects from this thing, but what’s the job really worth without an agent on board?”

One local actress, who asked to remain nameless, complained, “I just got booked on my third mime job this month through this thing. Oh, sure I was happy at first when I made $50, but I didn’t get in this business to remain a mime.”

Nevertheless, WHERE YOU APP has remained on the Top 10 Most Popular APPs for 10 straight weeks now. And climbing. ›

BananaGunBanana Bang Bang

Novice Mentalist, Jarvis Bates, dedicates a few hours every evening to blindly guessing inanimate objects. Admittedly Jarvis has one peculiar difficulty: blindly guessing a banana by merely holding the fruit to his temple. “It’s a toothpick… no, no, a tire… I know, it’s a gun! (Opens eyes.) CRAP! I’d like to think I’m getting warmer, and practice does make perfect,” explains Jarvis as he peels his prop. Certainly it takes time to become an expert in any field, and that may go double to become a truly skillful Mentalist.

“I’m gonna keep at it, because as tough as this is, it’s easier than selling shoes, computer programming, being a hairstylist, or even being an actor. I’ve tried all those. Being a Mentalist is way easier. And people really seem to love it!”

SOUND ADVICE Takes Over the World

You may have learned our Flagship SOUND ADVICE studio in Chicago is conveniently located in the historic Fine Arts Building on Michigan Avenue. But did you also know we are currently opening exquisitely elaborate, sprawling facilities in the Louvre in Paris, on top of the Empire State Building, in the Bonneville Salt Flats of Utah, about three miles east of the Great Wall of China (for parking reasons) and, yes, you heard it here first… the very first studio on the moon! (Ain’t technology a wonderful thing?)

Museum

Our various locations will allow us to better serve you… the world over… and beyond!

But, hey, if you find you can only manage to work it out to connect with us through our LA or Chicago offices, well, that’s okay, too! We’re casual! ›

This Month on the Discovery Channel…

SOUND ADVICER, Tony Cosgrove, recently voiced the 6-part narration for this month’s Discovery Channel series, COLD AT HEART on which highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo found a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer.

These fascinating creatures have bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. Apparently they use this ability to hunt penguins, melting the ice beneath the penguins and causing them to sink downwards into the resulting slush where ‘the hotheads’ consume them.

After much research, Dr. Pazzo theorizes the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837. “To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin,” the Doctor is quoted as saying.

Discovery expects a greater response to this series than any other in their history due to the ‘hot’ subject, and the fact that the creatures are in fact naked. ›

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain

APRIL FOOLS, Gang!

Don’t take any wooden nickels! 

Copyright © 2015 by Kate McClanaghan. All Rights Reserved.