Consider leaving a pack of Lucky’s this year instead of a plate cookies and milk. (Who knew, right? It’s a wonder the old guy lasted this long!)

I call this one “Santa’s Scared”. Or depressed. Or bored. Or… I dunno, leave me alone! WHO cares anyway, Jerk?! I’m going to my room! 

We call this one, “Dad hates pajamas”. (I think it’s self-explanatory.)

Remember the year Mom discovered latex? She was poured into that dress. That year changed everything. She started dating Freedrik. Sure, he was 20 years her junior, but he made her so happy. And what makes Mom happy, makes me happy. (Tee-hee.)

I think this one speaks for itself. (Don’t forget to water the cookies!)

We call this one “Camouflage Christmas”. 

Ah, Christmas at the Equator. Alone? I wasn’t alone. Juju kept me busy and entertained. (Guess who’s Juju?)

Remember this? The Annual Christmas pic of the “I’m Never Getting Laid Again Club”? (Nana Banana brought the booze that year. What a cut up.)

Junior’s last Christmas (photo).

I still find nothing funny about this family Christmas. I still think it was a bad idea.

Ah, the ‘Strange Love’ Christmas. Yeah, well. None of these people are even talking to each other any more. Including the kids. I’m not saying this photo had anything to do with it. I’m just saying.

This is how we kept Billy from opening every gift. He was incorrigible. He’s an electrician today and makes a very good living.

Who’s taking this picture?

So here it is. This is why Joey is the way he is at Christmas. Oh, sure he puts a good face on it, but frankly he was never comfortable getting to know Dad’s secretary, Donna, like this. It was supposed to be just Todd, Dad and him. Just the guys. Just the guys and fishing. Instead, that icky, weird-o Donna had to show up and ruin everything. He wished Mom had never left. He wished he had a pair of pants.

No baby’s ugly. And needless to say, JoAnne and Mark worshipped their little pooch. As for Pebbles, she thought the Puppy Rescue had better screening practices, but she was a good sport. She’d play along for Christmas’ sake. Come Spring, Easter brought a few unexpected surprises Pebbles hadn’t counted on. Guess Christmas was all too good to be true. These were the salad days.

What life was like before you came along.

What a bunch of cut-ups. No peeking, Javier!

This was the year Billy Bob came with us to Church. (Beat.) I’ll never forget it. 

Oh, yeah. Remember when we made fun of Gram, and pretended it was Christmas but it was really July? And we even put up a fake tree up and acted like it was cold out and put that stupid hat on her head? Hahahahaha! That was hilarious. That totally screwed her up. She still doesn’t know we were kidding! I can’t wait to get old!

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(You might want to rethink what you’re wearing & who you’re bringing to Christmas dinner this year. Just a suggestion.)

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